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I sometimes get annoying messages from even more annoyinng people on my Myspace account. Witness:
From: bili
Date: Mar 11, 2006 3:02 AM
Hi:) I like your profile!!!
Have u heard about "Do you like"? It is very funny site.The thing is, they show you a pic of a boys and ask if u like them. You answer Yes or No. If you do they send them your pic and ask the same. If you both like eachother you can get in-touch and meet up.
Do you like me???
if yes you will be my future sympathy!
---end message---
I usually ignore them, but I was in a procrastinatory mood tonight, so I decided to write a reply. I initially went with "Hello. No. Eat a bag of dicks, kthxbye." Jay, who read my message, tut-tutted at its perfunctory nature, and suggested I could do better. So I did. Behold the reply I eventually came up with:
Hello.
Let's play this like a choose-your-own-adventure game:
You are walking down a dark road, edged on either side by massive trees. You can sense that at the end of this road lies that which you have been seeking, the ancient artifact that has led you on an arduous quest, exacting many months of blood, sweat and toil from you.
The road suddenly widens, and you see before you a heavy, elaborate gate. Lions rampant bracket it, wrought in tawny, tarnished metal. Its grandeur has faded, but what is left is still enough to inspire awe in your heart. Beyond this gate lies what you seek.
You step up to open the gate, but your way is suddenly hindered, as a large canvas sack materializes, blocking much of the gate. Curious, you reach up and touch the opening of the sack. A spill of glistening, disembodied, 9-inch phalluses tumble out.
A booming voice resonates through the air. "Welcome, Traveller," it says, "Those who seek to enter the Gate see before them two choices: to gain entrance, they must eat that which they find in the sack before them. Refuse, and you shall be returned to the place from whence you came."
Gentle wayfarer, which path do you choose?
1. Eat the bag of dicks? Turn to page 301.
2. Refuse? Turn to page 1.
From: bili
Date: Mar 11, 2006 3:02 AM
Hi:) I like your profile!!!
Have u heard about "Do you like"? It is very funny site.The thing is, they show you a pic of a boys and ask if u like them. You answer Yes or No. If you do they send them your pic and ask the same. If you both like eachother you can get in-touch and meet up.
Do you like me???
if yes you will be my future sympathy!
---end message---
I usually ignore them, but I was in a procrastinatory mood tonight, so I decided to write a reply. I initially went with "Hello. No. Eat a bag of dicks, kthxbye." Jay, who read my message, tut-tutted at its perfunctory nature, and suggested I could do better. So I did. Behold the reply I eventually came up with:
Hello.
Let's play this like a choose-your-own-adventure game:
You are walking down a dark road, edged on either side by massive trees. You can sense that at the end of this road lies that which you have been seeking, the ancient artifact that has led you on an arduous quest, exacting many months of blood, sweat and toil from you.
The road suddenly widens, and you see before you a heavy, elaborate gate. Lions rampant bracket it, wrought in tawny, tarnished metal. Its grandeur has faded, but what is left is still enough to inspire awe in your heart. Beyond this gate lies what you seek.
You step up to open the gate, but your way is suddenly hindered, as a large canvas sack materializes, blocking much of the gate. Curious, you reach up and touch the opening of the sack. A spill of glistening, disembodied, 9-inch phalluses tumble out.
A booming voice resonates through the air. "Welcome, Traveller," it says, "Those who seek to enter the Gate see before them two choices: to gain entrance, they must eat that which they find in the sack before them. Refuse, and you shall be returned to the place from whence you came."
Gentle wayfarer, which path do you choose?
1. Eat the bag of dicks? Turn to page 301.
2. Refuse? Turn to page 1.
