![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
beautifulduckweedI read this post by ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
li_kao, and for some reason, his use of the word "weak atheist" made me think of this classic Craigslist post, which then inspired me to create the parody below.
Ennn-joy.
I am a pretty strong atheist. And I can tell that I am much stronger than a lot of you weak atheists out there. When I go to the scienceblogs, I look around at all the weak atheists on the comments struggling to make 250 words appear on the screen as they type, edit, delete or whatever it is they just can't do as well as me.
I look at the weak atheists with their soft assertions and refusal to categorically deny the existence of God. Sometimes I feel like walking over to them and offering to think for them. Why strain yourself. Let me read that for you honey. Who? Dawkins or Hume? I can do that. How many words? Why don't you sit down and rest while I think it through for you. Such a pretty atheist, you sit and listen to me.
I feel that if I were to do this, the weak atheist would see that ontological debate is a waste of her time in the first place. A better use of time might be to just learn to carry a 30-volume collection of Bertrand Russell in your arms while shopping or sauteeing something - so you won't just have to sit at your desk napping when you have your first philosophy of science class - you will have read stuff. I like weak atheists who read stuff.
Anyhow, as for the fiction, I would prefer if the weak atheists only read Isaac Asimov. Because being a strong atheist like me, when I get tired from my long posts on Pharyngula, I like to talk about some hard SF. Overall, it is better as well because hard SF will help you attract other strong atheists like me and seduce me into bed with you. If your grasp of cosmology is good enough, I might even marry you, or let you cook for me.
And weak atheists on Talk.Origins are annoying. You can not type faster than me so why try? And heck, the threads do not really go anywhere. If I wanted to flame you, I could, whether you were typing 40 or 50 words per minute (which is as fast as weak atheists can go (I can type up to 75 without sweating)). Of course I won't shout you down you because we have a civilized society and it's not like it was like 5 years ago when atheists came back from hunting down creationist fallacies and just started in on weak atheists for being wishy-washy. But I think to myself, maybe she is learning so that she can argue with the Intelligent Design people on Uncommon Descent. I guess that's a useful skill for weak atheists who don't have strong atheists to protect them. But if you were debating me, I would kick faith's ass. You would not need to run scared you little weakling. You would only need to stand back and watch from behind the nearest anonymous login, while I fight. So why don't you practice that. Get off the comment boards and practice not logging in, just watching me.
The other thing I notice is all the compromise and the misuse of the word "agnostic." God help me if I have to hear "agnostic" one more time. What, may I ask is the problem, anyway? Did someone say something to someone else or to you? Ah, that's it. That kind of stuff gets you every time. Personally I would be ashamed to be so weak an atheist.
I know you all are weak and emotional - but heck if you are not cute as kittens. So basically I am here to announce that I am available for one of you sexy weak atheists with a nice ass. I could take more than one but its not like it was 50 years ago and all where I would have a bunch of you little darlings in a chatroom and a few off in another chatroom talking about Thomas Huxley together.
I suggest you write to me and tell me your best and maybe tell me about your favorite deontological arguments and all.
.ct.
li_kao, and for some reason, his use of the word "weak atheist" made me think of this classic Craigslist post, which then inspired me to create the parody below.Ennn-joy.
I am a pretty strong atheist. And I can tell that I am much stronger than a lot of you weak atheists out there. When I go to the scienceblogs, I look around at all the weak atheists on the comments struggling to make 250 words appear on the screen as they type, edit, delete or whatever it is they just can't do as well as me.
I look at the weak atheists with their soft assertions and refusal to categorically deny the existence of God. Sometimes I feel like walking over to them and offering to think for them. Why strain yourself. Let me read that for you honey. Who? Dawkins or Hume? I can do that. How many words? Why don't you sit down and rest while I think it through for you. Such a pretty atheist, you sit and listen to me.
I feel that if I were to do this, the weak atheist would see that ontological debate is a waste of her time in the first place. A better use of time might be to just learn to carry a 30-volume collection of Bertrand Russell in your arms while shopping or sauteeing something - so you won't just have to sit at your desk napping when you have your first philosophy of science class - you will have read stuff. I like weak atheists who read stuff.
Anyhow, as for the fiction, I would prefer if the weak atheists only read Isaac Asimov. Because being a strong atheist like me, when I get tired from my long posts on Pharyngula, I like to talk about some hard SF. Overall, it is better as well because hard SF will help you attract other strong atheists like me and seduce me into bed with you. If your grasp of cosmology is good enough, I might even marry you, or let you cook for me.
And weak atheists on Talk.Origins are annoying. You can not type faster than me so why try? And heck, the threads do not really go anywhere. If I wanted to flame you, I could, whether you were typing 40 or 50 words per minute (which is as fast as weak atheists can go (I can type up to 75 without sweating)). Of course I won't shout you down you because we have a civilized society and it's not like it was like 5 years ago when atheists came back from hunting down creationist fallacies and just started in on weak atheists for being wishy-washy. But I think to myself, maybe she is learning so that she can argue with the Intelligent Design people on Uncommon Descent. I guess that's a useful skill for weak atheists who don't have strong atheists to protect them. But if you were debating me, I would kick faith's ass. You would not need to run scared you little weakling. You would only need to stand back and watch from behind the nearest anonymous login, while I fight. So why don't you practice that. Get off the comment boards and practice not logging in, just watching me.
The other thing I notice is all the compromise and the misuse of the word "agnostic." God help me if I have to hear "agnostic" one more time. What, may I ask is the problem, anyway? Did someone say something to someone else or to you? Ah, that's it. That kind of stuff gets you every time. Personally I would be ashamed to be so weak an atheist.
I know you all are weak and emotional - but heck if you are not cute as kittens. So basically I am here to announce that I am available for one of you sexy weak atheists with a nice ass. I could take more than one but its not like it was 50 years ago and all where I would have a bunch of you little darlings in a chatroom and a few off in another chatroom talking about Thomas Huxley together.
I suggest you write to me and tell me your best and maybe tell me about your favorite deontological arguments and all.
.ct.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2006-09-09 12:48 am (UTC)You wacky Santarchist!
Date: 2006-09-09 04:30 am (UTC)Now I know for true that there is a little baby jesus watching over me.
no subject
Date: 2006-09-10 08:12 am (UTC)Uh, I mean, I came here because
no subject
Date: 2006-09-10 09:08 am (UTC)I'll be happy to provide you with a ride, and the only thing I ask for (and this is totally optional, by the way) is to chip in for gas money, the price of gas being what it is and all.
My e-mail address is my LJ username @yahoo.com. Drop me a line there.
no subject
Date: 2006-09-11 02:52 pm (UTC)My ass is fairly nice and I would probably qualify as a sexy weak atheist (although I'm not quite sure what that entails). Would you take me?
I'll cook for you....