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beautifulduckweedIf authors wrote rejection letters for manuscripts instead of editors.
Some favorites:
Jane Austen: It is a truth universally acknowledged that an editor in possession of a manuscript such as yours must be in want of an antacid tablet.
Margaret Wise Brown: Goodnight, loon. Goodnight SASE with the address in balloon. Goodnight, non-star. Goodnight care. Goodnight to this manuscript...everywhere.
Isaac Asimov: Let me reiterate the three laws of Submissions for your clarification in future.
1) A submission may not scar an editor, or through incompetence, allow an editor to come to mental harm.
2) A submission must obey the guidelines given it by an editor except where such guidelines would conflict with the First law.
3) A submission must stand on its own as long as such standing does not conflict with the First or Second law.
Sadly, I must inform you, your submission failed all three.
Ernest Hemingway: The paper is good and clean and the typing is neat. The writing is bad. It lacks aficion for writing. Certainly there is no writing like the writing of a man and those who have written long enough and hard enough and liked it, never really care for anything else thereafter. This manuscript is the writing of a woman.
Some favorites:
Jane Austen: It is a truth universally acknowledged that an editor in possession of a manuscript such as yours must be in want of an antacid tablet.
Margaret Wise Brown: Goodnight, loon. Goodnight SASE with the address in balloon. Goodnight, non-star. Goodnight care. Goodnight to this manuscript...everywhere.
Isaac Asimov: Let me reiterate the three laws of Submissions for your clarification in future.
1) A submission may not scar an editor, or through incompetence, allow an editor to come to mental harm.
2) A submission must obey the guidelines given it by an editor except where such guidelines would conflict with the First law.
3) A submission must stand on its own as long as such standing does not conflict with the First or Second law.
Sadly, I must inform you, your submission failed all three.
Ernest Hemingway: The paper is good and clean and the typing is neat. The writing is bad. It lacks aficion for writing. Certainly there is no writing like the writing of a man and those who have written long enough and hard enough and liked it, never really care for anything else thereafter. This manuscript is the writing of a woman.
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no subject
Date: 2006-05-11 05:14 pm (UTC)H. P. Lovecraft: The most merciful thing in your manuscript, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents. We live on a placid island of coherence in the midst of black seas of infinity, and it was not meant that we should voyage far. The sentences, each straining in its own direction, have hitherto harmed us little; but some day the piecing together of dissociated prose will open up such terrifying vistas of reality, and of our frightful position therein, that we shall either go mad from the revelation or flee from the light into the peace and safety of a new dark age.