Two hilarious things that you should look at now:

[beautifulduckweed]

La première chose: Sarah posted this clip of Whose Line is it Anyway? on Smart Bitches, but I have to spam my LJ friendlist too, because HOLY JESUS DAMN it is awesome. You know why? Because Richard Simmons is in it. And Colin Mochrie uses him like unto a jetski.

...look, just watch it, OK?

I may have to spend a good portion of my day looking up Whose Line clips on the Youtubes. I've forgotten how very much I love that show.

(I also have a bit of a crush on Ryan Stiles. So tall! So painfully dorky! So weird-lookin' and weirdly sexy to me! Goes hand-in-hand with my unholy love for Bill Nye.)

La deuxième chose: I love it when judges have a sense humor, because sometimes, it's those flashes of awesomeness that make the pain in the ass that is law school worthwhile, especially when I'm exhausted and behind in all my readings (hey it took me a month to get there this semester instead of only two weeks! Go me!) and I'm darkly contemplating running away to Hawaii to open a cake shop.

First, some context: Charles Wolff is a Jewish man incarcerated in the fine institution that is the New Hampshire Department of Corrections, and he sued, alleging that the prison denied him a kosher diet, thereby abridging his right to freely practice his religion. As part of the evidence, he tried to file...an egg.

The judge's response? An order to destroy said egg. Written in the style of Green Eggs and Ham.

I now present to you:

Wolff v. New Hampshire Dept. of Corrections, Slip Copy, 2007 WL 2788610 D.N.H.,2007.

ORDER

JAMES R. MUIRHEAD, United States Magistrate Judge.
Plaintiff has filed a hard-boiled egg as part of his preliminary injunction request.

Discussion

No fan I am
Of the egg at hand.
Just like no ham
On the kosher plan.

This egg will rot
I kid you not.
And stink it can
This egg at hand.

There will be no eggs at court
To prove a clog in your aort.
There will be no eggs accepted.
Objections all will be rejected.

From this day forth
This court will ban
hard-boiled eggs of any brand.
And if you should not understand
The meaning of the ban at hand
Then you should contact either Dan,
the Deputy Clerk, or my clerk Jan.

I do not like eggs in the file.
I do not like them in any style.
I will not take them fried or boiled.
I will not take them poached or broiled.
I will not take them soft or scrambled
Despite an argument well-rambled.

No fan I am
Of the egg at hand.
Destroy that egg!
Today! Today!
Today I say! Without delay!

SO ORDERED (with apologies to Dr. Seuss).

Comments

[ratatosk.livejournal.com]

That is a ... fascinating icon. If you have used it before I was too oblivious to notice.

[misshepeshu.livejournal.com]

It's hypnotic, isn't it? If you put on some techno, you'll find that the flashing will likely synchronize with the beat, thereby making it exponentially MORE GAY. Bonus points for twirling glowsticks while looking at it!

Please enjoy another one of my fascinating (and rather hypnotic) icons.

[theotherjay.livejournal.com]

He filed an egg as part of his brief? Not as, like, an evidentiary exhibit or something?

/file a ridiculous petition, you get a ridiculous court order

[misshepeshu.livejournal.com]

Dude filed the egg as part of his preliminary injunction request.

Special cat is special!

[benefitz.livejournal.com]

Richard Simmons is his own kind of special.

And that judge totally wins.

[misshepeshu.livejournal.com]

I was laughing so hard at that video clip that I literally couldn't breathe. I love how Colin Mochrie just DIVES IN and goes for all the horrible jokes that must be made, but that Ryan Stiles is clearly a bit too squeamish to.

And the judge totally made my day after a very, very dry week full of nothing but EPA regulations, the legal ramifications of different forms of business entities and how to read patents properly. I want to shake this man's hand.

[misshepeshu.livejournal.com]

DUDE. Fuck this "let's make the world better by changing policy from the inside and influencing people" bullshit. Let's make cakes and scuba dive on our days off.

I call dibs on making the cupcakes for Sundays and Mondays.

[bonobo23.livejournal.com]

You have read Washington v. Alaimo, haven't you? The Georgia prisoner litigation case that contains the seventeen funniest motion titles ever, including the infamous "Motion to Kiss My Ass"?

[misshepeshu.livejournal.com]

No! No, I haven't. Oh my god. I need to look this up NOWWWWW.

[misshepeshu.livejournal.com]

Oh mah gah. I've now seen West headnotes with the phrase "kiss my got damn ass sorry mother fucker you." That makes me absurdly happy.