Success! Also, OW.

Bike successfully retrieved from bike shop: 1

Attempt to re-learn how to ride: Successful

Number of stationary cars bumped into at very low speed: 2

Number of moving cars run into, at somewhat less low speed: 1

Number of nice people I scared shitless: 1

Number of scraped elbows: 1

Number of scraped knees: 1

Humiliation level: Pretty damn high

Elation level: Also pretty damn high

Need for kneepads and elbowpads: Astronomical

Time before I actually take this show on the road, where there are cars moving faster than 5 mph: Weeks. Possibly months.

Odds that I'll come back from Burning Man in one piece after riding the bike on the playa for several days: 5 to 1 against

Shit given: Not too much

Ability to laugh at self hysterically for being a giant clumsy dork: Completely functional