On exercise

[beautifulduckweed]

When shopping for swimsuits a little while ago, I bitched to Ben briefly about how impossible it is to find two-piece suits that fit me properly. While my upper portion is substantial, my lower portion is even more so. I wear a size M top, but an XL bottom. And ideally, given my frame size (i.e., ridiculously tiny) and what I looked like when I was close to a healthy weight and composed mostly of muscle mass (i.e., twenty pounds and twelve years ago), I should be an XS top and S bottom.

Ben, bless his heart, said "Why don't you just buy some baggy guy's swim shorts and be done with it?"

My gut reaction was "HELL NO," but I stopped to think about why I had dismissed it out of hand so strongly. The explanation I came up with is this: Just because I hate my body doesn't mean I want to dress like I do. For one, flattering clothing is excellent armor; it covers a multitude of flaws. For another, while I don't like my body fat content, that doesn't mean that my body doesn't deserve respect and beautiful adornments.

Talking about my body issues started me thinking about exercise again. I have never been happy with the shape of my body, but man, I'd kill to go back to the bouncy, muscular size 4 I was when I was 18 years old, instead of my now equally-bouncy but much less muscular size 8/10.

All of my attempts to work out regularly have been abortive at best. I bought an elliptical machine about four years ago, but haven't used it in ages--over a year, actually. I mulled over all the reasons why I've never been able to stick to an exercise regime, and I came up with a few conclusions:

1. I find exercise for the sake of exercise deathly boring, even when watching TV or listening to music.

2. This goes double for exercises that require muscle isolation, such as bicep curls.

3. I'd push each session to the point of exhaustion and unpleasantness because dammit, that's how I know it's WORKING. The best thing about the workout sessions was getting to stop.

4. Because of (3), working out typically sucked up almost two hours per session (40-45 minutes of cardio, 40-45 minutes on weights, plus stretches, warm-ups and cool-down periods), and I didn't have enough discipline to continue with something that rigorous over the long term.

5. Most of my goals--lose ten pounds, lose twenty pounds, drop two dress sizes, etc.--were so remote that I would often become discouraged before I properly began.

6. Most of the types of physical activity I love, like dancing, acroyoga, yoga and rock climbing are HOLY SHIT FUN, but they require company and money. I don't necessarily lack for company, but I certainly lack money.

And then along came Shovelglove, which, if you don't want to check out the website, is an exercise system that calls for:

1. A sledgehammer.

2. A sweater to wrap around said sledgehammer, so that if you drop it or swing it too hard, you'll at least have a little buffer when you slam into shit.

3. 14 minutes of exercise using the sledgehammer, five days a week. You repeat a sequence of motions for a certain number of reps, move on to the next motion, go through your repertoire and then start from the beginning again.

I've been doing it steadily for four days now, and I think there's every chance this time will stick. Shovelgloving address pretty much all of my issues, to wit:

1. The Shovelglove doesn't feel like exercise. For one thing, it's so goddamn goofy looking. (One of my neighbors was walking past my window just as I was starting a couple of nights ago, and she said "What on earth are you doing, Candy?" and I replied, sheepishly, "Exercising.") I revel in how ridiculous I look while I'm doing this. For another, it's kind of fun. Because they're mimicking workmanlike motions (without the accompanying jarring impact of actually shovelling or chopping wood, not to mention eliminating the danger of, say, accidentally chopping my goddamn foot off) and going through a decently large range of motions, my body is much happier to go along for the ride, just as it is when I'm hiking, or doing yoga, or dancing, or rock climbing. In other words, it's tricking my body into not thinking it's exercise.

2. None of the exercises I'm doing isolate any one particular muscle group in the way bicep curls do. I'm bit shocked at how many muscle groups are involved in the shoveling and chopping wood motions, actually--my gluteals, for example, are a bit sore, because they're involved in bracing all my downward motions.

3. 14 minutes is enough for me to work up a sweat and feel the burn, but not enough for it to get unpleasant. When the timer goes off, I'm all "I'm done ALREADY?" and I'm left wanting to do more--which is a good thing. It allows me to look forward to doing the exercises the next day. In fact, last night, I decided, to hell with it, I'm going to go a few minutes extra because it was feeling so good. So I extended it for nine more minutes. Felt great, and once it stopped being fun, I put the sledgehammer down, drank some water and rewarded myself with a fresh nectarine.

4. Forcing a very definite time limit is so useful for my brain. It's only 14 minutes! That's less than 15! Dude, if I can't spare 14 minutes out of my day, I am a sad, sad human being. My appallingly short attention span is able to keep up, and I pander to it even more by doing no more than ten reps of any motion for one side before switching. Keeping track of which movement to do next on which side is excellent distraction, and keeping the reps low prevents me from overwork, because let's face it, I'm a weenus.

5. My goals right now are focused doing this 14 minutes a day, five days a week. Losing weight and gaining muscle mass will be a nice side-effect, but I'm not letting myself obsess on that. 14 minutes. Five days a week.

6. All I've spent so far is less than $20 on the sledgehammer, and I can reliably perform the exercises with nothing but the company of my cats. And let me tell you, that first time I busted out the sledgehammer and started doing the chopping wood motion? They were looking at me like "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU WOMAN."

I was also thinking of the 100 Push-Up Training Program, which I read about via puddinhed's journal. It appeals to me because again, the goal is so workable. Ten minutes, three times a week, and the aim is solely 100 push-ups. However, the Shovelglove exercises are targeting largely the same areas, and right now, push-ups feel kind of unpleasant to me. They place a lot of strain on my wrists, and because of my pride, I don't want to do wall push-ups because THAT'S FOR PUSSIES GODDAMMIT. I'm instead co-opting the regime for 100 Leg Lifts. The Shovelglove is a good all-round workout, but I enjoy ab exercises moderately well, and again, I like the manageability of the goal. 100 leg lifts? Shit, I can work towards that. I started on it yesterday, and it feels good.

I don't want to jinx myself by being jubilant so early in the process, but let's just say that I'm cautiously optimistic.

Comments

[linettasky.livejournal.com]

I have so many of the same issues you do. I've never been in fantastic shape, but working at a desk has meant that I've gained the freshman fifteen five years too late. And, damn, I am lazy. I try to trick myself into exercise by riding my bike to work (about a half hour each way), but I'm a lazy bum.

So Jeff and I have been trying to run as often as we can. It's a step. It makes my asthma act up in annoying ways -- my legs could keep going, but my lungs can't -- but otherwise it feels fantastic. My mood is much better afterwards, and I feel great all day when I run in the morning.

Stupid exercise, being good for me.

[misshepeshu.livejournal.com]

I know, right?

Overcoming the laziness is the most difficult part by a good shot. Sigh.

[skeets.livejournal.com]

Wow, that Shovelglove business actually *does* look promising! I figure people who spend hours at the gym doing boring isolation exercises for each and every tiny muscle are just doing it for looks, anyway. Useful motions are the true path to awesome!

And yeah, exercise for the sake of exercise is boring as hell. Hence why I only became remotely fit after finding wushu, and also why I still can't make myself commit to running or any other steady-state cardio. Cardio = BORING.

[misshepeshu.livejournal.com]

Yes, cardio for the sake of cardio without the company of friends is deathly boring. Painfully so. But I do know a few people who really get off on the runner's high. My problem, of course, is that the unpleasantness preceding the onset of the high far outweighs the high itself.

I'm probably imagining things, but I swear my biceps are now more burly. (And by "more burly," I mean "are beginning to take on an existence that's more than hypothetical.")

[stacy-bird.livejournal.com]

Hey, and when we need help breaking up concrete again... can we call you and your muscles of steel? :) I am intrigued, I must admit! I love chopping wood a digging in the garden because both get something done, and give me an excuse to keep the muscles I have, but damn, I don't need to chop much wood at the moment!

[misshepeshu.livejournal.com]

Not sure I'll have muscles of steel. Maybe muscles of hardened plastic?

[freyley.livejournal.com]

i have wood.

It's much harder to chop through now, while it's green.

this could be a good thing.

[jennekirby.livejournal.com]

Ahh... I'm an XL top with an XXXL bottom (top size in regular stores, bottom size in plus-size stores) so I can sympathize with the sizing problems. My problem is just... getting to the gym. I hate changing clothes and not having access to a shower afterwards. I can do, like, running outside, but it's Florida, which means that five months of the year try to kill me.

I like exercise, I just don't like being gross. Sigh.

I've noted this to others, but--I try to keep a good record of weight, measurements, and (as much as possible) how my fitness level is doing--recording when things are notably easier, when I can tell muscles are developing, etc. Among those three things there is always one of them I can be happy about in a week. Never all three, and only sometimes two look like they're making progress at once.

[linettasky.livejournal.com]

I admire that it evidently helps you to keep a record of weight, measurements, etc. I am concerned that if I did that, I would start focusing way, way too much on those things, and not on getting healthy, which I try to make the point of exercise. Instead, I weigh myself sporadically at the houses of friends and relatives.

[jennekirby.livejournal.com]

Fair enough. Unfortunately, I found myself getting too focused on those things and gave up recording them, going so far as to get rid of our scale, and it took away the reward of working on these things and then I gained another 20-30 pounds. Hilarity. I've had to walk a very, very careful line on this one.

However, it is easier in my world because my weight and measurements are more, uh, intensely unhealthy than yours or Candy's. When one is starting at an acceptable place I can see why focusing on those could be problematic. (For me, getting smaller and less heavy is priority number one for increasing my health.) I forgot about this difference when commenting.

[linettasky.livejournal.com]

That makes a ton of sense. Thank you for explaining it. It's easy to forget how other people's bodies work and how they view them: 30 pounds means something different to you than it does to me. It would be really, really easy for me to obsess over a 10 pound difference, which is how much my weight fluctuates naturally.

And also: Congratulations on trying and working so hard on this stuff. It is really difficult, and I'm impressed with you.

[misshepeshu.livejournal.com]

I forgot to mention that getting to the gym is enough of a pain in the ass that it's easy for me to go "Oh, the weather is so crappy today; why bother going?" and the like. My sledgehammer, on the other hand, is portable and pretty much always in easy reach if I'm in the house.

I'm glad that you're able to work it out so that the measurements and weighing are tracked as a reward. Solidarity in becoming more awesome! *dap*

[puddinhed.livejournal.com]

I am loving my pushups! I am up to 8 in a row with my feet together. Spreading them wider apart makes it easier, so I do that for the first 4 sets and then for the set at the end where I do them until failure, I put my feet together. Engage mula bandha and the pushups not only feel easier but you also target your core a lot more.
I found that I reduced wrist strain by spreading my arms wider apart and by using a mirror on the side to make sure that when in the up position my wrists are under my shoulders--not forward or back.

Have fun with your Shovelglove program :D

[misshepeshu.livejournal.com]

I do plan on doing the 100 Push-ups in the future, once my muscles stop being such whiny little crybabies :D . Dude, how sexy would that be? "I can do 100 Push-Ups in a row. Wanna see?"

[benefitz.livejournal.com]

I'm happy you've found some fun exercise! I have to aruge with something though: "given my frame size (i.e., ridiculously tiny)..." Your frame is small, but not that small. You have broad shoulders. You have real hip bones. If you were a size 4 before, you must have still been growing. That wouldn't be healthy for you now.

I agree that it's probably good to just exercise and not worry too much about the results. They will come on their own.

where did you find out about shovelglove?

[misshepeshu.livejournal.com]

If you were a size 4 before, you must have still been growing. That wouldn't be healthy for you now.

Ha, I stopped growing up (but not out!) when I was about 13 or 14 years old. It was tragic. I really wanted to be taller, and for my hands to be bigger. I know really precisely re: the hands because of piano--I was pleased at how year after year, I could span more and more notes, but after topping out at 9 if I REALLY REALLY STRETCHED at age 13, I couldn't do any more.

And believe it or not, I was a size 4 AFTER living in America for a year or two and putting on about 5 pounds. When I first moved to America, I could fit in boys' jeans sized for a 28" waist. Remembering my pants size was dead easy, because I have a 28" inseam, heh. I was tormented because all my Malaysian friends fit into pants with waist sizes between 24 and 27. I have made peace with the fact that I will never healthily fit into 24 because of my hips and my naturally burly quads, but 28 is a perfectly decent size for me, seriously--I wasn't even close to being gaunt. I can show you photos of me when I was 18. Instead of being a 34D, I was a 32D.

As for how I found out about the Shovelglove: I racked my brains and finally remembered I'd first read it in this hilarious Mightygodking post.